5 Biggest Mistakes Most Guys Make When Dating Chinese Women

The Five Rules of Dating a Chinese Woman

Biggest Mistakes Most Guys Make When Dating Chinese Women

Whether you are in the planning stages or have actually met and are about to date a Chinese woman, there are five rules you should know and understand before commencing upon your romantic adventure. While all of these rules will arm you with wise advice in any dating situation, they have been specifically chosen with the cultural norms of Chinese ladies in mind. Hopefully, with the knowledge you are about to gain by reading this article, you will be able to maneuver through many of the most common mistakes uninformed men make in this dating game with ease and grace!

Don’t Be a Cheap Date!

If you are trying to impress a Chinese woman, don’t spare the expense. There is no bigger turn off than to woo your prospective love with budget friendly tactics such as “going Dutch”, using two for one coupons or bargaining with vendors for a discount. Remember: this is your introduction to this lovely lady. Do you want to make a first impression that reminds her of her nai nai (grandma) bartering for a good deal at the fish market or would you rather come off as a suave and worldly man who has the ability and wherewithal to make all her dreams come true? As any good magician knows, never show your audience (in this case, your prospective girlfriend) how the magic is made. In other words, do all of your financial prep before the big night, so you can sit back and enjoy how impressed she is by your generosity and good taste. If you plan and execute your first dates with creativity and class, there is every possibility your relationship will grow and flourish… believe you me there will be plenty of time to impress her with your ability to be thrifty and economical down the road!

Gifts Are Always Appreciated.

This one is rooted in traditional Chinese culture. Whenever you visit anyone in China, it goes without saying that you bring a small but meaningful gift. Carrying on this tradition when dating a Chinese woman will keep you in good stead, impress her relatives and set a good tone for every date. Who doesn’t love a gift? Building upon the foundation of rule number one, please remember, small does not mean “cheap”. While it certainly isn’t necessary to break the bank every time you call upon your Chinese love, gifting her with diamonds and other precious jewels, stopping at the local convenience store and picking her up a tree shaped car deodorizer isn’t going to fit the bill either! Focus on the word “meaningful” and you will have much better luck with your gift choice. It’s not so much the sticker value of the gift item, as it is the care and thought you put into choosing it. For instance, if you took her on a picnic by the sea, it might not be a bad idea to present her with a “kindness rock” you painted for her on a pretty pebble you picked up while walking with her on the beach after lunch. You’ve spent only your time, thought and effort on this memento but, believe you me, the effect on her will be priceless. Instead of useless bric a brac that will only collect dust, theme your gifts to her interests, personal taste and desires. Find her that candy she loves that you can only get in that one store in the next town; give her a copy of that children’s book she told you she loved as a child but lost when she moved to a new house when she was ten. You get the point: if you want to know this girl better, listen, learn and reflect what you have learned in the little gifts you give her.

Do I Look Fat In This Outfit?

I recently saw a card with an attractive young couple on the cover that actually made me laugh out loud in the store. The woman is saying, “Does this dress make me look fat?” and the man is thinking, “Do I look stupid?”. Funny, yes, but in the Chinese culture the “fat” thing goes so much deeper.  Putting it delicately, Chinese people can be brutally honest when it comes to calling out each other in terms of their physicality. Friends and relatives, particularly elder relatives won’t think twice before calling their younger family “fat”, oddly even if the person in question isn’t even chubby! To make matters worse, in some circles it is even considered a compliment to remark on how “fat” you are looking, meaning that life must be going well for you and you are showing your wealth and prosperity by your growing girth! It is easy to understand how all this “fat talk” could give a girl a complex, never mind an eating disorder. So, here’s the bottom line: I know you would NEVER call a girl fat, but even you love her “thick” calves or her ample behind, don’t comment on it if you want to keep dating her. Remember, you want her to think of you as her knight in shining armor, her protector from all that could harm her; not her nosy old Bobo (uncle) over for his weekly visit and verbal take down of his beloved niece.

Tread The Marriage Path Lightly.

I know, I know…you’re just dating her; what’s with the marriage talk already? Here’s the thing. Culturally, marriage is a tricky subject for Chinese women. Even though statistically, there’s 33 million more men than women in China, those men are ironically very picky, and in a world where some parents still arrange their kids’ marriages, women become like pieces of property that rapidly devalue as they age and aren’t married off. So even if thoughts of marriage to your Chinese girlfriend aren’t even registering on your radar yet, you need to let her know that she is viable and desirable and eminently “marriageable”. Don’t ever focus on her age, even if you think she is “still” young. Conversely, if its love at first sight for you and you’ve decided she’s the one, don’t overwhelm her with marriage talk in the early days. You need to understand that getting married is a huge deal to traditional Chinese, and the object of your desire has probably been inundated by her family and friends and pressured to get married since it was legal for her to do so. Marriage is a double-edged sword for many eligible Chinese women in the modern world. While they may be fiercely independent and seem non-traditional, there is a primal pull from Chinese tradition and their own family to be married, and while they may not be strictly opposed to the idea of marriage in theory, should they find “Mr. Right”, the traditional vision of marriage may overwhelm and frighten them. On the other hand, with the marriage clock ticking loudly in their subconscious, they may also worry that they will not be eventually chosen, and that time is quickly running out for them. As I began this section, so shall I end it: when it comes to marriage, tread the path lightly…

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I think of this rule as the ultimate last but not least caveat. I want to leave you thinking of this rule long after you have read this article, because it is that important. No one, and I mean no one is going to be happy to hear that you have chosen to date her because she is Chinese. You, as a man, and believe me you are definitely not alone, may think Chinese women are the be all and end all of all your dreams and desires, but you must never let your Chinese girlfriend know that is why you picked her. Yes, she may very well figure this little nugget of information out as she gets to know you and your many likes and dislikes and that’s OK. She may even be amused by your preference… in good time. In the meanwhile, as far as your new girlfriend is concerned, let’s just pretend you don’t have a type. In fact, let her know you were interested in her because she was so different from all the other women you’ve been attracted to in the past. Focus on her unique personality and many attractive qualities that go far beyond her ethnicity. After all, you wouldn’t be thrilled to learn that she is into you solely for your money, or your job or the fact that you are six foot two. Nobody likes to be chosen because they are a “type”.

Even though you may have initially entered into this relationship because you are attracted to Chinese women, I have every confidence that you will quickly move on from this superficial yet compelling criteria as you get to know the person inside her outer trappings; a person who may very well be influenced by Chinese tradition, but who remains her own wonderful, individual self. Knowing some of the more common Chinese cultural social mores will surely help you navigate the romantic waters you have chosen to swim in. Congratulations and good luck!

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