- What To Check At The Very First Contact?
- Signs Of A Chinese Online Romance Scammer
- What Should You Do If You Are Scammed Online?
- How To Protect Yourself From Indecent Chinese And Identify The Good Ones?
- Does My Chinese Date Really Like Me?
- How Do I Know If My Chinese Online Date Is For Real?
- How Will You Know If The Conflicts Are Because Of Culture Difference Or You’re Being Fooled?
Editor Note: This article represents only the author’s personal opinions.
About the author: Gordey Z. , Construction Mechanic, from Czech Republic. Lived in Kun Ming for 3 years, Cheng Du for 6 years.
Over the last few years scamming in online dating segment is becoming increasingly problematic and dangerous. The community of people looking for trust and understanding is attracting fraudsters from all walks of life in search for an easy prey, and almost nonexistent moderation allows them to prosper. However there are reliable ways to detect a scammer that will help you protect yourself against their schemes.
Here are a few things that we would recommend to check at the very first contact:
- Is the person willing to go for a webcam chat session? Try to make it a bit personal and different from a generic get-to-know-you chat. For instance you can ask the partner to dance a bit to some imaginary music or throw hands in the air. You can do it together to make things fair. An Asian girl who is looking for a serious relationship will most likely agree to this suggestion if she is interested in you. If your partner is reluctant to comply with these suggestions, it is the first sign that the person in question may have some intentions that actually differ from yours.
- Check the profile photo. If the face looks 30 years old and the bio says 18, don’t waste your time.
- Another sign that may suggest that this person is a scammer is an overly filtered photo. Try to avoid these profiles to protect yourself.
Signs of an Online Romance Scammer
The tragedy of being in love, especially during the initial dating phase, is that you tend to trust your prospective partner. Sometimes people ignore obvious signs of trouble – things that would naturally make you doubt the intentions of the other party.
If you are unlucky to hook up with a scammer, such over-trust can cost you big time both in terms of money and emotions. Emotions may prevent you from evaluating the situation properly.
This is why you need to take note of these six red flags in your Chinese lover’s general to avoid being scammed.
I. Can you find the person in question on Facebook, Instagram, or WhatsApp?
Most western social media apps including Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp are banned in China Mainland. For any Chinese to access these apps, he/she Chinese citizen would have to relocate to Hong Kong where regulations are different or use some shady illegal network tools to penetrate the government-controlled firewall which is a felony in China. If your Chinese lover says that he resides in China mainland and then goes ahead to chat with you on Facebook Messenger or WhatsApp, you are most probably talking to a scammer.
II. Does your Chinese date ask you to join some weird Asian website?
Scammers will go to any lengths just to steal your personal information, passwords and especially payment details. A popular trick is to lure a gullible western visitor into subscribing to a website or online service that the scammers control. If your partner is telling you to join a website that allegedly
translates Chinese to English, it’s most certainly an attempt to trick you. Why would you use a translation site when Google Translate is free?
III. Is a Chinese lady actively pressing for a date?
Chinese women are passive participants in almost every aspect of dating. A genuine Chinese lady will leave you to handle all the dating logistics on your own and only invite her to the party when everything is set. If your new catch is pressing you to take her on a date and even suggesting the venue, chances are that she’s not even Chinese.
IV. An online scammer keeps changing between different Asian personalities: Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Korean, etc.
People of these four nationalities have so much in common but they are not completely identical. Take the Koreans vs the Chinese, for example.
Korean ladies prefer extremely bright traditional outfits while their Chinese counterparts tend to align with the western fashion trends. That’s an underlying difference that will help you to distinguish between the two nationalities.
Now, back to the scammers, these are people who are not half as smart as they think they are. They use fake profiles with fake names and fake photos. Don’t be surprised to see an online profile of someone claiming to be Chinese but donning Korean outfit. If you notice something of the sort in a profile, this is certainly a scammer alert.
V. Is your partner overly open with you from the very beginning?
One peculiar trait of Chinese menis that they are extremely secretive with their girlfriends until they are sure that she’s the one. Be very careful with a Chinese man who tells you everything about his career history, aspirations, past relationships, etc. from the onset. He’s most likely using a fake story pretending to be open to earn your trust.
VI. A Chinese online boyfriend asking for a financial favor is most certainly a scammer
Asian men are taught from a tender age not to ask for financial favors from their women. It doesn’t matter if you are a millionaire and
your Chinese boyfriend is a poor college student. He will never accept money from you. This is to mean that if you encounter a guy who begs for your money, he’s either not Chinese or he’s probably a rogue Chinese.
What should you do if you are scammed online?
As cautious as you could be, sometimes a scammer will manage to trick you. If you are unfortunate enough to fall into a scammer’s trap, don’t hate yourself for it. It’s okay, you were only trying to be happy, there is no shame. Now rise, dust yourself up, and do the following:
I. Do everything you can to recover your money
Recovering the lost funds can be pretty challenging but not entirely impossible. The most common scenario is that the scammer asked for money to arrange a visit and then failed to show up. Chances are that this person will resurface after a week or so with an explanation. Most often it’s rather ridiculous like a story of kidnapping at the airport, but you will be surprised to know that there are people out there who actually believe this. Many scammers will keep asking you for money for as long as you will be willing to send it.
Once you realize that you have fallen victim to a foul play, you can contact your bank and report a scam. On certain occasions bank security will be able to recover the payment. However this doesn’t happen on every occasion and is merely a possibility.
II. Cut ties with the online dating scammer
It is generally recommended to block every communication channel that the fraudster may use to get in touch with you later on. Don’t try anything risky. Don’t go to China to try and get your revenge, it’s an extremely dangerous option that will most likely result in you getting robbed or abused otherwise. While dealing with the consequences may be painful, you should buckle up and move on.
III. If you have already traveled for a rendezvous with an online scammer, return home!
Your Chinese ’lover’ may invite you to Shanghai, Guangzhou, Shenzhen, or any other Chinese city for a date, concealing the true motives until you get there. If the person in question insists that you go to a remote village or maybe demand that you sleep at her place, it is only natural to doubt these suggestions – and a real person would understand it. If your instincts are against the date, it doesn’t matter how far you’ve come. Just pack your bags and book the next flight back home. Stay on the safe side!
IV. Change your passwords, secure your data
In case the scammer stole confidential data from your PC, probably by sending you a phishing email, move quickly and make the data they stole obsolete. Under these circumstances you should change all your important passwords to block the scammer’s access to your accounts. If your budget allows, hire an expert to perform a security check.
v. Don’t lose hope of finding your Chinese lover online
Only about 1% of the Chinese people you will meet online are out there to mess up your life. Don’t lose hope after encountering one low life scammer. Keep searching for the right Chinese lover and you will definitely get your match someday.
How To Protect Yourself From Indecent Chinese And Identify The Good Ones
If you are in doubt as to whether your Chinese lover is legit or a scammer, it’s important to check the person thoroughly before you can get into a serious relationship. Here is what you can do:
I. Meet her parents.
The Chinese dating traditions dictate that you meet your lover’s parents within the first month of your relationship. If she’s not asking you to meet her parents,
that’s a first warning.
II. Invite your online partner to be your in-house critic.
The Chinese tend to be brutally honest with their significant others. Allowing your partner to criticize your dress code, eating habits, career, and your life in general. This is a great way to encourage a person to open up.
Does My Chinese Date Really Like Me?
There are a few signs that you should take into consideration:
- Does a lady act like a 5-year old kid when around you? If yes, that Chinese girl is certainly in love with you!
- If you have dated a Chinese woman for more than six months, she should be speaking some fairly decent English by now if she sees you as a part of her future. The Chinese are trained to work hard for their dreams and if learning English is all she has to do to get the date of her dreams, she won’t rest until she masters the language.
- Has your partner given you a nickname? This is pretty common in China, and while it’s fairly easy to emulate, if this hasn’t happened yet, you can’t be sure that things are getting serious.
- Is a Chinese man talking about having babies with you? The Chinese culture doesn’t allow men to date for fun. They date for marriage. Don’t be surprised, therefore, if your man starts talking about kids within the first six months of your relationship.
- When a Chinese girl loves a western guy, she will do anything to keep him. The lady won’t cheat, she will be careful not to hurt your feelings, and she will probably beg you on her knees if she senses that you are considering dumping her. This is because it’s ultimately shameful for a Chinese woman to be dumped. If she’s submissive, that’s a sign that she loves you.
- If an Asian lady loves you, she will demand to know everything about you. It’s ironic that most Chinese men are extremely secretive and at the same time feel offended when you try to keep secrets from them.
Here is a bonus tip just for you. The Chinese do not take jokes well in a relationship. To them, relationships are too serious to be joked about. Don’t push the partner too hard to love your jokes at first.
How Do I Know If My Chinese Online Date Is For Real?
There is no standard way of telling whether or not someone is real online but if you are patient enough, you can study and discern fakes the real ones. Are you wondering how you can patiently study your target without exposing yourself? Here are some things you should consider.
- A Chinese lady will be reasonably secretive. Just like you will be careful not to reveal everything about yourself, your Chinese sweetheart should be keeping some few things to herself too. Why are you cautious about her? Because you are real. All real people are cautious.
- A Chinese girl will consistently ask you for guarantees that her heart is safe with you. Chinese women hate instability. A real Chinese lover will not commit to a relationship without being sure that you are in for a stable relationship.
- Follow your intuition and look for help from people who really know the Chinese culture. There is no shame in involving a trusted consultant in your initial online dating phase.
How Will You Know If the Conflicts Are Because Of Culture Difference or You’re Being Fooled?
When dating a person from China, there may be certain cultural differences between you. Her Chinese granny may never like you because she believes that only a Chinese engineer will make a good husband to her granddaughter. Language barrier, different backgrounds and sometimes religious beliefs may make it difficult to advance your relations to a next level. While it’s true that there are certain difficulties you will have to overcome, a scammer may try to play with your insecurities. Here are some widely spread schemes a scammer may employ:
- Asking you to buy an apartment before putting a ring on her finger. Your online girlfriend might bring this up and try playing the culture card but this is not something every Chinese family has or aspires to have.
- Insisting that you learn Chinese. If you are fighting over why you can’t speak Chinese, you should probably move on to another person. Chinese people are okay with learning English because if they are in for a serious relationship, they want to get out of China, not bring you into an overpopulated country with strict immigration laws.
- Accusing you of earning more than him (if you are a woman trying to find a Chinese boyfriend). While it may be frowned upon in Asian culture, your relationship is international and you can reasonably expect the boyfriend to accept certain aspects of the Western culture.
- Your partner gets really mad when you talk about Japan or Japanese culture and labels your political views as unacceptable. The story of Japan and China is filled with war and destruction through centuries but this doesn’t mean that you should feel the same about the Land of the Rising.
- Your relationship becomes a one hundred percent’No Sarcasm Zone’. It’s true that Chinese prefer serious relationships but you can expect your significant other to accept certain traits of your culture as well. If you dropped one sarcastic word and you are now in trouble, she’s definitely making a fool of you.
The online dating scene is volatile and attractive for scammers but if you stick with certain security routines, you can easily mitigate the dangers. I hope that this article will help you protect yourself against the fraudsters. If you feel like you need professional assistance in this particular area, I would highly recommend to hire a professional private consultant to help you out, this is the best and the only way for your specific case.
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