Obviously all women are different from each other, but there are quite a few similarities that women from a similar culture. If you are used to dating women from the United States, the United Kingdom, or any other western country, but are looking to date women from China, you are in for quite a bit of culture shock.
The differences between the dating culture in the United States and the United Kingdom are large enough just from across the Atlantic Ocean. When you go across the world to China, you are more likely to experience a much larger cultural difference in dating culture from your home country. Of course, they’re also going to be cultural differences within China because it is home to nearly 1.4 billion people. Different regions have different cultural expectations, and if you want to date women from a specific region, you may need to talk to an expert or some of the locals about what your date might expect from you.
If you want to be successful in dating Chinese women, you will need to get to know their cultural norms. Hopefully this article will help you to answer some of your weird dating questions.
Keep in mind that not all of these questions are going to apply to your relationship, but they might help you understand something that you are seeing.
Question 1:
Why does she want me to carry her purse?
In China, it is common for men to carry purses for their wives, girlfriends and mothers. While you might think this is a sign of being “whipped,” to her it will be a sign that you want to take care of her.
Offer to carry her purse or her shopping bags for her while you are out and about and you will make her feel great about your relationship. It is something that’s simple and easy for you to do to make her feel good. Why not do it?
Question 2:
Why does she always want me to dress up?
Looking good is an important part of Chinese culture. Chinese women often want to make a good impression on everyone around them, especially since their behavior and looks are taken as an impression on their entire family if they are local.
Even without that, you should want to dress up for your girlfriend. Show her that you are willing to make the extra effort to look good for her and make sure that she feels appreciated. You don’t want to feel like a slob next to your beautiful Chinese girlfriend, do you?
In this case, do what she asks. Especially if you are meeting people that are important to her.
Question 3:
Why is she always telling me to eat?
Feeding people is one of the main ways that Chinese people show that they care about you. A common adage in Chinese culture is that the more you eat, the healthier you are.
If she has cooked this food for you, she’s trying to show you that she cares about you and she wants you to be healthy.
It is also not uncommon for Chinese people to feed you foods that we would not eat regularly in the Western world – things like pigs feet – and watch your reaction as you try this new thing. As you can imagine, it’s usually pretty funny. This might be the case for what’s going on with you. As long as whenever she’s trying to feed you is not poisonous, I recommend giving it a try. You never know, you might like it more than you think you will.
Question 4:
Why does she want me to love her whole family?
Family is incredibly important in China. It isn’t uncommon for men and women to live with their parents until they get married, or to continue living in the same home with their new spouse after they’ve been married. This is very different from Western culture, where we are expected to leave our parents homes as quickly as possible once we are adults.
Since they spend so much more time with their family members, and because family has such a high priority in their culture, getting to know her family is probably one of the most important things that you can do while you are dating her.
If you want this relationship to last, you have to make a good impression on her family, particularly her parents and any older siblings.
You can make them feel better about you and get to know them by helping them out in the kitchen or around the house. Show that you’re willing to do the work to make her family happy and your relationship will grow by leaps and bounds.
Question 5:
Why does she always call me horrible names?
Terms of endearment in the Western world are usually things like honey, baby or sweetheart. In China, they are not usually as flattering or infantilizing.
Names like “stupid pighead,” “silly melon” and “dumb egg” often take the place of those pet names in English. They may sound really horrible, but they are very playful and nuanced when you look at their Chinese characters and their actual meaning.
However, if these names make you feel bad about yourself, or make you feel like she thinks highly of you, should have a conversation with her to make sure that she knows that the name bothers you. Maybe you too can come up with some nicknames that are cute for the both of you instead of using the common ones in either of your cultures.
Question 6:
Why won’t she kiss me in public?
Public displays of affection are not common in China. While you might see couples holding hands, that’s about as steamy as it gets in public. This ties back into your actions reflecting on your family’s reputation, as well as a generally more personally conservative culture than you might see in the United States or the United Kingdom.
If you want to kiss her in public, you are going to need to talk to her about whether that something that she is comfortable with. You’re also likely to still need to find a secluded spot to do it in. Some women will not have an issue with this, but the more traditional women likely will have an issue with public displays of affection.
Question 7:
Why does she want to know how much I make?
Talking about money is not a big deal in China, at all. The difference in the perception of talking about money is like night and day between the Western world and the Chinese.
One of the main ways that people take care of each other and their families in China is by lending money to those they care about and buying things for them.
This is something that can be very important to her family, which is therefore important to her and to you in the long run.
Question 8:
Why does she expect me to buy a house before we get married?
Similarly to the above answer, talking about money is not as much of a faux pas in China as it is in the Western world.
In China, marriage is a status change that indicates that you can take care of your partner. An important way to do that is to show that you have the money and the credit to purchase a house. Since it’s uncommon for Chinese people to move in together before they are married, it is also a sign of commitment in their culture.
Even if you don’t actually live in China, your partner will likely expect you to buy a home before you propose marriage. Her family will definitely expect this, or for you to have a plan for where you will live after you are married.
Have a discussion with your partner when you are thinking about proposing about what she expects from you. This will help you to avoid any hurt feelings and misconceptions from this particular cultural difference in your relationship.
Question 9:
Why does she want me to learn to speak Mandarin?
This one is pretty obvious. Making sure that you can both communicate with each other in a language you are comfortable in is key to making sure that you have good communication in your relationship.
There are some things that just don’t translate from English to Chinese or vice versa – jokes, phrases, et cetera.
If you are forcing her to speak only English, you are missing out on a huge part of her life, and kind of being a jerk. If she wants you to learn to speak Mandarin, you should make an effort to try and learn. It can be a great bonding activity between the two of you, and it can endear you to her family who likely is primarily in Mandarin Chinese.
If you guys wind up having children, it can also be helpful to make sure that your children don’t miss out on half of their cultural heritage by not learning Mandarin from both of their parents.